


Santa baby

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: James Bond is trying his best, M/M, Oblivious Q, mandatory Xmas fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: Q loves Christmas and James is a Grinch.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	Santa baby

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bit of a Grinch myself but that song just got stuck in my head this year so this happened.

With Christmas so close it was easy to forget that you were inside of MI6. The halls felt warm and they were brightly lit and colourful, the boring and almost sterile white of the walls now completely covered in tinsel and baubles while mistletoe dangled from the ceiling in clusters that made it almost impossible for you not to be under one. Normally silent departments now had a low murmur of classical holiday songs buzzing in the background and ‘noise central’ that was the boffin branch for once was no longer a cacophony of all sort of music genres as holiday music blasted harmoniously on their altered speakers.

Even most of the deadly double oh agents incorporated something Christmas-related on themselves and they hummed the innocent tunes that got stuck in their brains when they thought people weren’t hearing them, a little skip in their step as they made their way around MI6.

There was, of course, a Grinch. There is always at least one Grinch in every place of employment and in MI6 it just so happened to be the deadliest and most infamous of the agents who had the Queen’s blessing to kill people. 007. James Bond.

The jolliness was just sucked out of the room when James entered it. The Christmas trees losing a bit of their greenness – yes, even the plastic ones. The decorations fixed to the walls with improved industrial-strength glue dropped unceremoniously on the ground. The music was something that James couldn’t stop with his Grinch powers but a simple glare at the person closest to the wall volume control rectified that instantly. Well, as long as the Quartermaster wasn’t next to those.

Some of the other boffins found it funny that while Q was willing to give in to James’ requests while on a mission, he was an unmovable mountain when it came to his beloved holiday.

The Quartermaster – Q for short, QT-pie if you wanted everything technologic that you owed to explode when you were within range – was James’ exact opposite when it came to Christmas. He loved the holiday and the second December started, he ditched his colourful cardigans for horrible Christmas ones, many of which actually lit up and even sang. He had no problem wearing them during official meetings, mostly because it was easy to fool people into thinking that he was a joke and then utterly destroying them and leaving with more money than he originally asked for.

During Q’s first year, James had been foolish enough to ask him to tone the whole holiday celebrating down while he was in his department. Naturally, this got Q to be even more joyful – aggressively so – and on one particular occasion James had annoyed him so much that he spoke only in rhyme to him, the Grinch song following the agent everywhere he went for the rest of the day until he apologized.

But that didn’t cure the Grinch in him.

“Bond, what did I say about terrifying my minions into turning the music off in my own department?” Q asked without looking up from the Barret 50 Cal that he was working on.

James rolled his eyes. “You still have it playing in your office, so what’s the problem?” That got Q to look up, a deep frown etched on his face and James was quick to hold his hands up in a silent plea to be allowed to start over. “The music was already off when I entered your lair so I can’t take any credit for that blessed silence.”

Q fixed James with his glare for a good second before he decided that he wasn’t lying and went back to the gun. “You’re not scheduled for any missions so what brings you here? And it better not be because you crashed your car again because I’m not your mechanic.”

“Well, it’s connected to _a_ car,” James started, moving to lean over Q so he could get a good look at what he was doing. “Is that glitter on your neck?”

Shivering because Q was secretly ticklish – and James had found that out during a mission so of course he made sure to breathe down his neck when he talked – he elbowed James out of his personal space. “009 was kind enough to get me some decorations that have glitter on them.”

“And how did that glitter get on your neck, I wonder,” James murmured under his breath, proving once again that his brain stopped working the second 009 was mentioned. “But that doesn’t really matter,” he said louder before Q could start scolding him again, tossing a small simple blue velvet box in Q’s hands while grinning from ear to ear. “I guarantee that this will put whatever 009 gave you to absolute shame.”

“If it’s a piece of whatever equipment I gave you—”

“It’s not,” James interrupted, rolling his eyes. “Just open it before passing judgement.”

Normally Q would have been very suspicious by someone overly-excited demanding that he opened something that obviously wasn’t processed by their security but this was James and while he tended to act before thinking and do a lot of stupid things that always almost cost him his life, he never hurt someone who didn’t want to hurt him first on purpose.

Still, Q was careful when he opened the box just in case it had something fragile in it and was left staring confusedly between a set of keys and James. “I’m not sure what this is supposed to mean,” he admitted, holding the box back to James. “Do you need me to booby-trap this box for you?”

“Booby-trap the…” James trailed off chuckling and shaking his head. “Do you mind if I borrow you for a moment?” He asked for the sake of asking as he grabbed Q’s arm before he got an actual answer and hauled him out of his office, actually snarling when his ears were assaulted by the pop versions of the songs he hated the most. “How have you not turned these horrid things into a sonic weapon of sorts?”

“You hate them the most and yet they fail to keep you out of my branch, so why waste money?” Q joked as he allowed James to drag him into the elevator, arching his left eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest when he saw that they were going to the parking lot reserved for field cars. “Bond, I meant it when I said that I’m fixing your car again.”

James just smiled and winked which only served to frustrate Q even more. He knew that he was to blame for giving James so much power over himself but to be fair, every time James did his own thing, he saved the day – and looked hot while doing so. Sure he almost got fired three times because of him, got short at twice, almost got killed twice, and almost got kidnapped once, but at the end of the day, there was still a part of the world that was free so Q… Totally forgot what he was thinking about when James stopped in front of a light blue 1954 Cadillac 62 series that complemented his eyes more that it should be possible, looking very proud of himself.

“Well?” James prompted after a minute of complete silence, tugging Q closer to the car.

“Well what?”

“Well, aren’t you happy that I got you exactly what you wanted?” James lost some of his excitement when Q continued to look confusedly at his gift. “I’m not the type who eavesdrops while outside of the field but you and R were talking really close to where I was testing a few silenced guns and you said – and I quote – ‘I want a ’54 convertible too, light blue’ so I got you exactly that.”

This time it was James’ turn to look confusedly at Q as he dissolved into a fit of laughter so strong that he had his hands wrapped around his stomach and he was kneeling on the ground, gasping for breath. “I don’t even have a driver’s licence,” Q managed to hiccup after James had kneeled down next to him and started to rub soothing circles on his back and instructing him to try to take deep breaths. “I was misquoting ‘Santa, baby’ – which is a Christmas song in case the name didn’t give it away – to R which I am honestly amazed that you never heard,” Q finally managed to explain, now leaning against the excessively expensive gift, James wrapped around him. “But even if I was serious, what the hell possessed you to do this?”

“I’m surprised that more cars don’t disappear from here seeing that you’ve crumpled to the ground 10 minutes ago and we’re still not on lockdown,” James said instead, avoiding looking at Q by fixing a security camera with a hard glare.

“You are aware that the only way you managed to drive away in the Aston Martin that time was because I told everyone not to stop you, right?” James cackled like he found the concept of Q having power to be utterly ridiculous and that just set him off, remembering without wanting to all the times he had been in front of a committee that questioned everything he did. “You’re not that great of a double oh agent, Bond,” Q snarled, jumping to his feet, dusting himself off. “You destroy buildings regularly, you get discovered more often than not, and you even fail when it comes to eavesdropping if this bloody car is anything to go by.”

James was on his feet and in Q’s personal space in the blink of an eye. “How can you be upset over a car as a Christmas gift?”

“Well, I hope you have the bloody receipt because I don’t want it, I won’t accept it and I’m not helping you return it either, you ungrateful twat,” Q said indignantly, stomping over to the elevator.

James’ steps faltered but he grabbed Q’s arm and stopped him just before he got on the elevator. “I bought you the car because I really thought you wanted it and it’s the least that I could do given everything you do for me, happy?” He saw the storm in Q’s eyes die down, probably shocked that James had done something nice without expecting something in return, but he was still visibly insulted so James continued to be truthful. “And your security system is very good; I wouldn’t have gotten the car in here without R’s help and, now that I think about it, I understand why she was laughing so hard.”

There was a hint of a smile on Q’s lips and James let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m still not accepting a car, Bond.” He slipped the keys back inside James’ suit jacket and patted his chest, pretending to not notice that James had rested his hand on top of his and trapped him there. “However, you will accept the Christmas CDs that I’m going to buy you and you will also listen to them because I will quiz you on each song to avoid these types of situations in the future.”

“I’d be more inclined to listen to those with you there alongside a glass of good wine that complements our dinner.” He ran his thumb over Q’s knuckles and leaned a bit closer to him, voice dropping to a whisper. “Maybe you’ll make me your Santa baby and more.”

Q bit his lower lip to keep himself from laughing but also squeezed James’ hand to keep him from leaving. “As long as you promise to never say the Santa thing ever again.”


End file.
